CLOUD WOMAN BLOG
Polissimee (many meanings) in Blameless Mother/Daughter Bonds…
Categorized in these topics: Baba Yaga Female Social Justice Feminine Matrix and Female Culture Hunger
Posted Thursday, May 8, 2008, 10:23 AM
No woman talks about the female predator all dressed up in the warrior uniform called “internal oppression.” If we women did talk about the female predator we would halt the grimy indoctrination which perpetuates the internal oppression to all daughters.
Stopping the intergenerational scam is done by not trivializing or sexualizing daughters. We can channel the female predator and internal oppression to a far more extensive and deeper creative endpoint; finding meaningfulness in our female existence.
I just finished writing an email to my daughter, aged 22. Beautiful, intelligent and born smarter than I will ever be, she is working on parts of her childhood that do not smell like roses.
Instead of shoveling more manure over her childhood rose bed, I stepped outside of denial and avoidance. Of course this is traumatizing- a part of the scam with internalized oppression is how everyone knows that moms are always right. It is hard to give up “because I am your mother,” line.
Somehow, in between of dodging blame and hate for my female sex and being the cultural icon trash receptacle called mom I have this knowing that the time was not to ‘be always right’ but ‘right on.’
Going outside the box, equates to learning so much from my daughter. I get a front row seat in how her integration of her past and not living there has the women’s poetic college incorporating a whole lifetime’s worth of experiences and that of her mother’s through the past generations.
Funny when I drop my defensiveness or avoidance of blame we search for meaning in her suffering and mine. It becomes a blameless mother/daughter bond. And I sense a Poetic College with the intensive learning I am immersed in when discovering how suffering flows into meaningful messages.
Polissimee (many meanings) breeds infectiously as I go through this Poetic College coursework. The women’s poetic college, a Mother Nature social justice readdresses imbalance to sculpt an unfinished life into more awareness, feeling expressions, and recreates life through what is termed as death and endless suffering.
Stepping outside my defensiveness as a mom, my energies focused on the intention to learn more from my daughter and not give over my attention to other senseless actions deemed by the androcratic system as necessary.
It is not an easy task to adopt the blameless bond and apply polissimee to female suffering and pain. Women want to trivialize it saying it is okay or we can handle it. My own mother survived WWII in former Yugoslavia where she escaped concentration camps, Ustashi (Croatian Nazi SS) war crimes. My grandmother and great grandmother, whom I never met or heard from during my lifetime, had survived both WWI and WWII.
While my grandmother and mother narrowly escaped death, I learned escapism as a survival tool in the toolkit of internal oppression. I learned from my mother how to not pay attention to daughters, to trivialize the danger and suffering in order to become quintessential martyr.
We trivialize daughters. Just look at how the “G” word, gender is politely negated and erased by women and men deemed as being rational and balanced. The immediate response from women often is encapsulated in one statement, “what about the men?” or “not my husband, son, uncle” and so on.
The reality is that it is insanity to not readdress the generational hatred and violence towards females. Observe every article, news media video and count how many men are on the council. Can you quickly off the top of your head name movies that had women as the main characters?
After trivializing daughters we ask them to become pseudo superior in their superhuman feats. Women and mothers are too busy being the victim or the martyr -both of which are internalized oppression- to pay attention to daughters. Add this to the fact that having a son in the Slavic families is akin to having Jesus in the family.
The internal oppression toolkit is designed to have women, especially mothers, to believe if we behave and act or not act according to the androcratic doctrines founded on internalized oppression, we will not be the next victim.
Fear is at the root of internalized oppression and slices through female solidarity readily as the female predator tears through solidarity with gossip, finger pointing, “exclusion” and other bully tactics.
But we, women, continue to be that next victim.
I look around and see the hall of mirrors that reflect internal oppressions attacking the sacred mother & daughter bond. Can you face the mirrors held for you?
The mirror held up to me with my daughter has me staring at how we discount, trivialize, how we do not listen or pay attention (not being present) to our daughters or other women.
Facing my daughter and writing that email is the Poetic College coursework for internal oppression and what I learned so far is:
Not to indulge in “I didn’t know,” this is avoidance/escapism. It centers on having a perfect justification when women survive every inch of their lives- it is the blame/shame shot gun effect found in internal oppression. Read Adrienne Rich’s book “Born of a Woman,” to hear her painful and exquisite articulation of how she recognizes her single mothering parenthood and channels her anger instead of hiding in the “I didn’t know” for years that this many of us women abide by and idolize as a good way of to live life.
Escapism (can be known as denial) and avoidance is found in women’s seeking refuge from being the next victim. Also, found in being the “good girl” to becoming the “good wife.” The steps towards the “good girl” and perfect woman syndrome are to seek approval outside our female bodies towards a hero worshipping value. Just look at all those academic tests, paper systems, comparisons and competitive entanglements that reinforce women’s internal oppression. Look about you and see the superhuman women rife with breast cancers, uterine cancers and sexual abuse histories to know how all that correlates to trivializing women-daughters. Trivializing daughters is another way of gynocide. Read Robin Morgan’s “Demon Lover,” if you want to move from escapism to enlightenment about women’s internal oppression.
Internal Oppression’s next entanglement with escapism is the way we paint all women invisible even if their first person stories are horrific atrocities. In fact, we continue to blame them like the rape laws of not too long ago in the states that had judges and police saying what she was wearing was to blame. Listen to the comments of “why is she putting up with that?” “Can’t they see that?” Hold up the mirror and ask what we can’t see in our religions and laws along with the global catastrophic violence statistics towards the female gender. Escapism is invisibility from our targeted sex that is victimized and violated with words, actions to non-actions. Read Sonia Johnson’s “WildFire, She Revolution,” if you dare or are ready to chuck this dead half life you are safe with.
Idealizing HIM and all masculine aspects. HIM can be the husband, uncle, brother, dad, boyfriend, coach and so on. Masculine aspects- academia that does a rote short term memory in an assembly line system, has strategic competitive venues, comparisons and aligns behind force not empowerment. Women get it; they are never good enough and need to justify their existence to HIM. Do you know how much time and energy is spent on this? It makes up the bulk of our trillion dollar credit card debt and interest scam. In idealizing HIM, we escape from being responsible for our own lives and life experiences. Women get to blame men for their ills and predicaments of suffering. I often hear many women say, “What can I do?” Women think that if they get to be one of the boys or in the good old boy’s network they will feel the united brotherhood. Unity is not solidarity. Solidarity amongst women is dead and beaten down with the competitiveness (fighting for the hot guy with all the bucks) and comparison (gossip, finger pointing, and self criticism) The best example for this is to watch this video of Hillary Clinton and Obama. Watch how the “G” word-gender has finally gotten media air time and again in a negative group of behaviors. Just like your “slip is showing,” women journalists who do not recognize that their internalized oppression is evident. Nor do the men have awareness that their male’s entitlement to make pronouncements and labels is so obvious. http://youtube.com/watch?v+kcdnINZg2iM
It is up to us mothers, who are daughters too, to learn and be curious about the violence internal oppression has done to the mother/daughter bond and all relationships in the end.
Only you can decide to learn from inside out instead of paying attention (not the same thing as learning- it is pseudo to learning) to the outside parts.